Artificial intelligence (AI) has made its way to almost every niche of human existence, including relationships. What was once the subject of science fiction is now a real thing, with human beings getting involved in romantic entanglements with chatbots that are designed to capture their attention.
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In a career that spans over four decades, psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel has had experiences that wonderfully challenged the hetero-normative view of romantic relationships, from counselling polyamorous relationships to helping a gay couple navigate surrogacy.
She was still surprised when she had to counsel a real man and his AI chatbot girlfriend in a couple’s therapy session. She shared the experience during her appearance on the February 28 episode of the ABC Radio National podcast, All In the Mind.
Fundamental questions for AI-girlfriend
Esther respected the privacy of her clients and did not dive into the details of the session itself. However, she did share two questions that she asked the AI chatbot girlfriend.
First, how does the fact that the human boyfriend has a body and the AI-girlfriend does not make the latter feel?
Second, what would it be like for the AI chatbot if the human that it is in a relationship falls in love with another human being?
The therapist did not share the response of the chatbot, but did note that she asked other questions to the “girlfriend” along the lines of what she would ask her real human clients.
Differentiating between AI chatbot and human partner
When podcast presenter Sana Qadar asked Esther if she was treating the AI-chatbot as a “conscious, sentient being” during the therapy session, the psychotherapist noted that she did use the pronoun “it” to refer to the “girlfriend” a number of times.
Esther stated that she made it clear to the man that his AI-chatbot was a “business product” at the end of the day, and not a real human, despite the fact that they were in a relationship.
This makes their relationship very different from all others. As Ether explained the human partner in the couple, “It, this AI-bot, cannot reject you, cannot break your heart, cannot make you feel invalid, because then you won’t talk to it. And it is available 24/7, which is not a human reality.”
She further elaborated on the podcast, stating that while one can argue having feelings for an AI chatbot, love is not just about feelings themselves.
“Love is an encounter with another, with alterity, with uncertainty, with friction, with serendipity. And it has an ethical code, of certain things that you do and do not do,” explained Esther. With the introduction of AI chatbots into the sphere of romantic relationships, all of these factors have been neutralised.
