Honesty is widely regarded as a virtue, but unrestrained honesty in a social setting is not always appreciated. A man learned that after telling his wife’s friend what he thought of her “dating technique.”
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Later, upon introspection and after talking to his wife, he shared the experience on the popular subreddit, r/AITAH, where the post went viral.
What did the man tell his wife’s friend?
The OP is a 38-year-old man whose wife, 34, invited some friends over for dinner one day. Among the attendees was a 32-year-old woman who said during the course of conversation that she could not “find any good men to stick around.”
The wife and her friends were sympathetic to her, and the group discussed more about the woman’s recent dates. That was when she shared her “dating technique.”
Essentially, the woman showed as little interest as possible in possible romantic partners and ghosted them because she wanted them to fight for her.
“I laugh and say that is just plain stupid, and of course, she will not find any good men since only the bad ones will actually do that. Like, good guys who will respect you (and) will never keep chasing if you send out the signal that you don’t want them,” the OP wrote in the Reddit post.
Sharing that he is on the spectrum, the OP confessed that he had no idea that the comment could be construed as being out of line. It is only when his wife bumped him and told him to shut up that he realised that he may have said something wrong.
Later, the wife agreed to the OP’s point of view in private, but told him that he did not need to be “so blunt about it.” He then went on to seek the candid opinion of the subreddit community.
Redditors slam the wife’s friend
Netizens on Reddit did not take kindly to the woman’s apparently twisted approach to dating.
“Wow, what a self-sabotage that is, dooming herself to failure,” wrote a person. “For most decent blokes, the entire ‘play hard to get’ routine is a complete nope. No motivation to play games, just be real, be open, honest and treat the other person how you’d like to be treated. If that results in a nope, you’ve just successfully filtered a wrong-un for you.”
“I hate that there is an entire generation that was conditioned to this ‘men should fight for women’ trope. Such a horrible dynamic,” expressed another.
“Friend be dumb as a rock,” shared a third. “Anyone with self-respect will walk away after rejection: Why chase somebody who is forthcoming about not wanting you?”
“It is objectively a stupid dating tactic. You’re right, good men will take her disinterest as a sign to stop engaging with her,” noted a fourth.
“Starting off with the worst communication possible and expecting that would lead to a fulfilling relationship? She is, by definition, insane,” echoed yet another.
More information about the wife’s friend
The OP edited to post after it went viral on Reddit, adding more context about his wife’s friend’s approach to dating. He stated that he had another conversation with his wife about her friend, and asked whether the latter was previously informed by others about her dating plan not being sound.
She did say yes, but added that no one had been as direct as the OP. Sharing the dating history of the woman in question, the OP added to his post, “Apparently, three years ago, she messed up royally on her long-term relationship of four years. They had a fight, she went out to get some drinks to cool off, and in her anger, she slept with another guy.”
For clarity, the OP asked his wife if her friend was really drunk, which he believed would have made her more susceptible to manipulation, even if it did not excuse her action. However, his wife assured him that she was not.
The friend was apparently in a really bad place mentally and only wished to punish her boyfriend. When she later felt guilty and came clean, he dumped her.
“Since then, she has had nothing but one-night stands and short-term flings from not-so-good guys. The best one lasted 4 months. But due to bad communication or her way of dating, he thought they were FWB, and she thought they were a couple. So when she found out he was sleeping with other people, she was heartbroken,” the OP wrote in his post.
He considered the woman a “sweet,” “bubbly,” and kind person, and felt sorry for the experience that she had had. He also told his wife to tell her how sorry he felt about being very blunt during their conversation.
Note to readers: This article is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
