Break-ups are rarely easy, but they have been experienced by almost every person who has played the dating game. While break-ups can go down in many ways, it is almost always emotionally taxing for the people involved.
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Taking to Instagram on February 19, relationship coach and couples’ counsellor Comfort Omovre shared 12 suggestions on how to process the experience in a healthy way. The toughest part, she noted, is often how one feels about leaving behind pieces of themselves forever. Her suggestions are as follows.
1. Self-validate:
“Doubt as to whether or not you’re making the right move has a way of eating you up from the inside out and raising anxiety levels,” stated Omovre.
In her opinion, it is better to take some time to acknowledge all the harm that’s been done in the relationship and affirm that letting go and walking away is actually the right choice for an individual to make.
“Affirm that by letting go, you’re not ‘losing out.’ Rather, you’re setting yourself free and giving yourself an opportunity to experience real joy again,” she added.
2. Address the messy emotions:
Letting go of someone that a person cares about often comes with a whole lot of complicated feelings. That includes guilt, shame (for holding on as long as one has), and fear (of regretting the decision later).
“Don’t just drown in them. Sit, journal, process. Identify every emotion you can and counter them with the truth,” shared Omovre. “There’s nothing to feel guilty for when you’re choosing your peace and sanity.”
What ultimately matters is that one is finally choosing to walk away and not how long they stayed. If that allows the person to be safe and stable, then it is not something that should be regretted.
3. View the past with a clear lens:
While looking back at lived experiences, the brain sometimes focuses on “good parts” while recalling bad experiences, making one feel that things were much better than they actually were.
“Remind yourself of all the reasons you were forced to let go, all the things that went wrong,” stated the relationship coach. “Tell yourself it’s okay to miss the good times whilst acknowledging that the bad times far outweigh the former.”
4. Forgive yourself:
“Sometimes, we don’t really grasp just how much we had to endure until we’re out, and this can be so hard to deal with,” observed Omovre. This can make a person feel like they have failed or betrayed themselves, as well as an urge to punish themselves.
It is important to remember not to be too hard on oneself and to extend grace and empathy inward. It is important for a person to remember that they have managed to get out of a failing relationship in the end and be proud of the fact.
5. Release tethers that try to hold you back:
Usually, when one is on the receiving end of a break-up, they often entertain the thoughts of making their former partners jealous of their glow-up, never forgiving them, and even hoping that they regret their actions and come back begging.
While this may appear to fuel one’s efforts to move on, all it actually does is keep an individual tethered to their past. “Your efforts should be focused on healing and thriving for no one else but you,” stated Omovre.
6. Honour your pain:
According to Omovre, one should not be quick to bury the emotions, avoid them, or rush the healing process. “It’s all right that you feel hurt, lost, broken. There’s no weakness in that. Honour your pain,” she stated.
This includes allowing oneself to process the emotional and mental toll that the experience has taken, and crying and venting if necessary. Purging all the acrid emotions is how one creates room for positive emotions to take root.
7. Prioritise self-care:
Break-up is a difficult time, so it is very important that one does what makes them happy at this time to counter the effect.
“Listen to uplifting music. Go for a walk. Bask in the sunlight. Eat comfort food. Binge your comfort shows. Practise somatic exercises, embrace artistic expressions, and meditate,” suggested Omovre. “All of these help you come home to yourself, feel like you again, and release some of the stress and pain.”
8. Author your self-image:
“Heartbreak can make one believe so many lies about oneself, such as you aren’t worthy, not good enough, not deserving, unlovable, etc. Don’t just let those thoughts continue to spin out of control,” cautioned the relationship coach.
It is essential to take hold of the narrative, counter and shape it. That includes deciding who one is and who they wish to be, and reminding themselves of who that person is over and over again. “Hint: someone amazing and worthy of everything good,” added the relationship coach.
9. Reimagine your future:
Sometimes, the hardest part about letting a person go is thinking it will be impossible to live without them, to be happy again, to feel like oneself again.
This can be overcome by purposefully reimagining the future to be as beautiful as possible, shared Omovre. “What would an ideal life look like for you? Write it all down, then begin working towards that.”
10. Actively build your dream life:
To build up one’s dream life, it is important to work on it. “Pursue side quests, develop new hobbies, make new friends, connect more deeply with the people in your social circle, start a self-improvement challenge, set a new goal and chase it,” suggested Omovre.
Rather than focusing on what has been left behind, one should turn to what they have in the present and what can be gained in the future. The more they dedicate their time to building a fulfilling life for themselves, the faster they regain their spark.
11. Permit yourself to evolve:
“The truth is, pain changes us,” noted Omovre. “We almost never go back to who we used to be before going through that experience, but that doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. Sometimes, who we can grow into can actually be better.”
It is essential that one does not try to keep themselves stuck in a loop of trying to be who they once used to be. It is important to look forward and allow oneself to become who they need to be.
12. Be Patient With Yourself:
When a person is hurting, it is natural to want to heal quickly and not go through the pain and suffering. However, healing takes time, and that can be truly frustrating. When someone is feeling like they are losing their minds, it is important to remember to take deep breaths.
“Yes, it feels so heavy to bear, and it hurts so damn much, but it’ll pass. Give it time, focus on what you can control and watch healing take its course eventually,” shared the relationship coach.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
